Facing Your Fears

A gift from friend and fellow artist Kimberly Kelly Santini

As an artist, my biggest fear has always been putting my art out there to be judged. In high school when I was preparing my portfolio for college applications, I worried, will they like it? will it be good enough? what if I don't get accepted anywhere?

My art teacher helped me put my entire portfolio together, she gave me assignments that she felt would be appropriate, she helped me choose my 12 best pieces, and she photographed all my work for me on slide film and taught me how to use black electrical tape to mask off the background. (old school!) Her support and confidence in me helped me face the fear of having my artwork judged by the Universities I applied to.

Those of you who follow this blog or know a bit about me know that another passion I have in life is fitness. I have been competing in triathlons for several years now but have avoided any race that featured an ocean swim. Why? I am afraid of sharks! Yes, ever since I was 12 and saw JAWS on TV the night before a deep sea fishing trip with my father, I have had this fear. Who didn't? JAWS kept us out of the water for years, at least it did me.

As a teenager growing up in Massachusetts I had the opportunity to sit on the beach in Martha's Vineyard where they filmed the movie. You notice I said "sit?" No swimming for me! Just seeing the town and the inlet where the shark wreaked havoc was enough to keep me on land.

Critiques by my peers and professors in college helped prepare me for the world of juried art shows as an emerging artist. I have to admit, I took a lot of time off from my fine art between my graduation from college and the beginning of my career. I raised two children 16 months apart and I took time support myself with a career in advertising/graphic design (my actual major in college). SO when it came time to be judged for my fine art again, those old fears came right back.

Spending time in the studio with the shark

The last three years all the triathlons I have competed in have included lake swims here in Florida. I have swam in murky black waters tainted from the tannins of oak trees, clear warm waters in Clermont, and the lake in the middle of the Walt Disney World compound. The Amelia Man Olympic race appealed to me when I was looking to step up my distance, but the ocean still had sharks.

I think that every artist fears having their work held up to be judged. Entering juried shows can be nerve wracking, especially when you receive rejection letters one after another. We have all been there! I used to take a class with a woman who submitted to First Thursdays at the Orlando Museum of Art a few times and was turned down. She got discouraged and said "maybe I'm just not good enough." Not good enough? No way! I told her to just keep submitting, not to let her fear of continued rejection deter her in her goal. I told her how I had been rejected from that show consistently for about a year, every month, before they ever accepted me. And then, they asked me to be artists of the month in the museum shop gallery. Don't let your fears stop you from consistently reaching for your goal. My Dad was fond of this advice, which he gave me on a regular basis as a kid "If at first you don't succeed, try try again." He was an insurance salesman, he NEVER let his fear of rejection keep him from knocking on the next door.

Guess what? Barbara eventually got her work accepted to the show as well. And boy was I proud of her.

A super friend and fellow artists Kimberly Kelly Santini sent me the shark toy. She was cleaning out her basement and found this old tub toy from her kids and it made her laugh as she thought of me and my fears that I had confided in her. I had shared with her that I finally decided that 2012 would be my year to overcome the fear of the ocean swim. I officially have signed myself up for St. Anthony's Olympic Triathlon. I have decided to face my fears in fitness as I have faced them in my art career and in my life. The only way to grow is to push the boundaries of your comfort zone. I want to grow, I want to grow! (just please not in my feet, they are big enough already....)

Push yourself, push your boundaries, take the plunge and conquer that fear. Start with small local juried shows in your home town. Maybe your art museum or local art center. Then work you way up to bigger shows once you've been accepted to a few locally. You see I said accepted, have faith, you will get there!

Once you have a little more confidence under your belt and a larger body of work, you can start casting your net wider to national juried shows. A wonderful resource for this is TheArtList.com. Here you can find call for entries from all over the country, surely an opportunity will present itself here that is a good fit for you.

Guess what? once you spend some time overcoming your fear you'll gain a level of confidence that will propel you to the next level! I have been spending time with the shark toy lately as a reminder that I too can do it.

Love Birds in progress, note shark in top right

I promised Kim I'd tuck the shark into the leg of my tri suit when I do some open water swimming closer to April. But for now, he's keeping me company in the studio.

That's Just How I Do It

Rooster, yet to be titled, 30x30, collage on wood panel

In a recent blog post from my dear friend and fellow artist Robin Maria Pedrero talked about how she accomplishes everything she does. I found this post to be so refreshing and interesting as Robin and I often speak about balancing family and work.

Robin talks about keeping a positive attitude, mentoring and teaching, learning from her mistakes and managing her time. She goes on to share a typical day in her life, and it resonated with me. I decided to borrow her idea and share with you, my readers, a day in my life. I do this because like Robin, everyday people say to me "I don't know how you do all that you do."

This week I am teaching seven fifth grade classes the art of collage and the profession of being an artist. I am at Sabal Point Elementary school every day this week except Wednesday, which is early release day. Yesterday was Wednesday.

Tuesday late afternoon the corporate director for the Grand Bohemian Gallery which carries my work nationally asked me if I had any new work. Since I have been working on my Noah's Ark Series I have not had new work to give her for a while, and I am feeling badly about answering that question with "no" because my answer for most things is usually "yes."

I Always Give it My Best
Vanessa was looking for a large scale rooster piece and had hoped to install it in the Asheville gallery. I told her I'd do what I could to get one done for her.

sketch with beginnings of underpainting

Late Tuesday night I sketched up the rooster onto my 30x30 panel and coated it with multiple coats of clear gesso. Wednesday morning at 6:30am I blocked in the green background before waking the kids for school. 

Multitasking is Key

While the kids were showering and getting ready for breakfast I pulled on my sneakers and ran three miles around my neighborhood. When I returned I checked on the kids progress, took a quick shower and cooked breakfast of eggs, toast, sausage and fresh fruit (Every morning is like Sunday at our house). I ran a load of laundry and put away the dishwasher. Before they went out the door to catch the bus I packed them both healthy lunches and kissed them goodbye, wishing them the very best day!

Slightly off  Center

Back inside, I quick changed into my gym clothes and headed off to lift weights. Exercise is my relaxation, I enjoy pushing the limits of both my mental and physical strength. I find my center and calm my mind through exercise every day. Before I clean up, I dash out to the studio to block in more color on the rooster, completing the underpainting. This will need to dry for a few hours. I'm moving so fast I think I'm still burning calories!

underpainting progresses with more blocking in and

establishing a decorative background 

Keep Moving

I head into the house and put the laundry in the dryer, shower, check my emails and design an ad layout for a health and fitness club in Baltimore, MD. Today I have set aside some time to have lunch with a friend since it's early day and  I am not volunteering at school. We enjoy Greek food and catch up conversation and then I head home and back to my desk. I design a tri-fold massage brochure for that same Baltimore client, field more emails, make changes to some fitness posters for my Orlando based Sportsplex and before I know it I can hear the beep-beep of the alarm as the kids come in the garage from school.

I take the kids for frozen yogurt so we can spend some time together before dance and swim team. We head home and on the way drop my daughter off for dance at 4:00. I encourage my son to do a bit of his homework before we have to leave for swim team at 5:15. Take a few minutes to check social networking, email and waiting for the underpainting to dry.

Head to the aquatics center with my son for 5:30 and back to pick up at dance for the break from 6-7pm. Arrive home, make spaghetti and organic chicken sausage. Back to dance for 7-9pm and pickup Connor at the aquatics center at 7pm. Typically I have help with the driving buy my husband is out of town on a photo shoot this week. Hit the post office to mail DVDs on my way home.

Balancing Act

Get everyone back and forth and settled with homework, then I sit and read for an hour with the kids and the dogs until DANCE MOMS comes on TV at 10pm. It's a repeat and so I tell my daughter I'm going to pass and head out to the studio to work. They are engrossed in TV as I head to the back yard with the dogs in tow. I pick up some papers and try to organize my work area a bit, put on some good music and start working in a sea of reds for the rooster waddle and comb. 

In the groove when 11pm rolls around, but I have to check on the kids and make sure they don't stay up any later than DANCE MOMS, head inside, say goodnight, clean out lunch boxes for tomorrow, and rotate the laundry again, dogs in tow. 

darkness has settled in as the sun has been down for hours, 

but I'm still going strong

Head out to the studio after everyone is in their room for the night. This is the witching hour, it's when the magic happens. Put my favorite Pandora station on, take the glue brush out of the water and I am quickly back in the zone. Share a few fun texts with my friend and Dog A Day painter Kim Santini who tells me she's turning in for the night. Stay in that zone for as long as I possibly can before the yawning starts around 12:30. Keep working until 1:00 am and sit for a minute to evaluate my progress.

Head in for a few hours of sleep with visions of paper tidbits dancing in my head like sugar plum fairies. Sometimes it's hard to get to sleep when my brain is moving so fast, even though I am tired. Tonight I get to sleep about 1:30. Some mornings I wake at 5:00am with my mind working away wildly at collage solutions and techniques for future subject matter. 

Do it All Over Again

Up at 6:00 am to varnish the now dry rooster head piece. Head out to evaluate the night's work and be sure I like it as much as I thought I did. Apply varnish and head back inside to making breakfast and start the day. After the kids go, I hop on my bike for a 20-mile ride and along the way I stop to take iPhone collage reference photos of the cows on the bike trail as they are at the fence and I have not seen them there in weeks! 

Return home and put another varnish coat on before heading for the shower. Today I'm volunteering at school again so I likely will have to bring the rooster downtown to the gallery tomorrow morning. I'll put the hanging wire and final varnish coat on this afternoon. 

And that's just how I do it. 

Turtles by Twos

Sketch and partial underpainting on cradled birch panel ©St.Hilaire Nelson

Moving along in my series of Two by Two's for my show at the Thrasher Horne Center for the Arts next year. I wanted to share with you the step by step of my pair of Painted Box Turtles. In sketching these beauties out, I knew I was going to be in trouble with all those spots...

Underpainting on cradled birch panel of male and female ©St.Hilaire Nelson

I utilized a lot of spattering with my fluid acrylics for the top background of these pieces (working on birch panel primed with clear gesso), knowing that I would leave that area as painted in the finished piece. I used my two favorite fluid acrylic colors: Gold Metallic and Quinacridone/Nickel Azo Gold. After a successful splattered, dripped and very messy background painting, I blocked in the turtles with color and value in mind. I then painted the foreground in a loose style that I thought I might like to leave showing through as paint, with only the turtles being collage.

Male (left) and Female Turtles complete ©St.Hilaire Nelson

I must tell you that tearing all those yellow spots was agonizingly slow going and I'm not ever doing another turtle again. SO, get these in a giclée print from me or purchase the originals (at the Noah's Ark Exhibition) while you can!

I went back and forth over whether or not I had added TOO MUCH COLOR which is a question I rarely ask myself. Maybe it was the fact that I was seeing spots. I bounced the .jpgs off my friend and Dog-A-Day painter Kim Santini for her opinion. Kim infuses tons of color into her paintings, especially in the blacks. I totally value her opinion. AND much of the yellow spots were created from torn bits of her acrylic palette papers she so graciously shares with me on a regular basis.

Her response was something like this "I love the color and would not change a thing, but ultimately it has to be your decision." 

How's that for definitive? LOL I went with the color. You can see they were finished in the dark from the blackness behind the blinds in my studio. After sleeping on it and returning to the easel in the morning with my coffee, I decided Kim was spot on and I was not going to tone down any of that beautiful color. 

WHAT was I thinking? 

Note: Did you know that the way to tell the difference between the male and female painted box turtle is their eye color? The male has red eyes and the female had dark brown/golden eyes!